How to stop being personally victimised by period cramps

Feb 14, 2018 | all, period, wellness | 1 comment

We don’t know about you, but we’re pretty fed up of your typical “5 solutions to survive those period cramps” posts (like, how the fuck is green tea genuinely going to help me when it feels like someone is attacking my uterus with knives?). So we’re here with some new tips from our top OHNE babes (& fellow uterus-owners). We promise…this shit’s not made up.

“So, what’s your top tip for surviving bad period cramps?” “Moan, rub my belly, curl up into a ball, take paracetamol, and rub my belly some more” – Olivia

Tiger Balm 

Fierce and fiery…basically every OHNE girl in a jar. The classic pain relieving ointment was first sold in the 1870s by a Chinese herbalist, and was since commercialised by his sons and is now sold all over the world. The balm promises to “work where it hurts”, causing mild hot and cool sensations on your skin to distract your brain from..well pain in other places. For those of you reluctant to take a handful of pills when those cramps come calling… Tiger Balm actually confuses your nerve endings into forgetting where the pain is really happening. Basically Chinese magic. You’re welcome.

Mint

So, for a lot of us, menstruation means bloating, gas, and weird digestion (ever noticed that you poo way more on your period?). Fresh peppermint is one of the best stomach healers because of the way it soothes indigestion, gas, pains, and diarrhoea. Peppermint works by relaxing the muscles in your stomach, allowing food to enter and leave your body more quickly and helps almost instantly with indigestion. So yes, technically, brewing some peppermint leaves with hot water would help – but you know what mint is also used for? Mojitos.

Wine

Okay but seriously, if you are going to drink, wine is actually your best bet. Drinking wine thins the blood, helping to reduce the pain. We always wondered why wine takes the edge off, well, pretty much everything.

Mac Charger

Do you know ANYONE that actually has access to a hot water bottle when the cramps hit outside of dressing gown time? Na, na you bloody don’t. So, a top tip from OHNE co-founder Leah – the big chunky bit of your mac changer acts as an electric water bottle in times of desperate need (i’m sure a PC charger works too, but it’s not as hip okay?).

Foot Bath

We’ll admit, usually feet freak us out – but in this case, we’ll allow it. This one comes from a Nordic babe, so maybe they know something we don’t up there? A hot foot bath, with bubbles, for a proper soothing time. Make sure you’ve got some lovely smelling cream ready for when you’re finished, and some big fluffy cotton socks. Recommended for those hyggeligt (read ‘cosy’) winter nights.

Womb Juice

Womb juice, known to the rest of the world as ‘cramp bark’ (Viburnum Opulus), is a herbal tincture that is seriously effective at relieving menstrual cramps. The herb relaxes muscular tension and spasms, making it a top herbal remedy for reducing uterine contractions. If you know you get terrible cramps, try taking your womb juice 1-2 days before your period starts. Don’t worry though, can also be taken as needed if you’re caught out!

Orgasms (yes, our fave too)

Not that we needed any more excuses to get a little freaky whilst on our periods, but having an orgasm is actually one of THE best ways to shut down cramps. Orgasms release chemicals and hormones in your body that help relax your uterus, including oxytocin, our body’s natural pain reliever which is actually much more powerful than the pills you might usually pop. If you haven’t got a willing partner to test this tip out on, give yourself a little love – orgasms aren’t exclusive to sex.

Magnesium

Okay babes, this we seriously recommend. Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxant, and also taps into all PMS symptoms like irritability and mood swings. Although certain foods are high in magnesium (almonds, garlic, carrots, spinach, dark chocolate – not exactly riveting information, we know), a more interesting solution would be to ease that beautiful body into an Epsom salt bath. Epsom salts contain the mineral compound magnesium sulphate which will not only relax your entire body in a cocoon of hot water but also helps your body process and get rid of old toxins and impurities (last weekends escapades we expect). Beg your top pal to run you a hot bath, and soak with a glass of wine for a whole body experience.

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Final thoughts…if none of these work for you…just take a bloody painkiller. We’re not judging, nobody ever got an award for getting through their period without them.   Think you can top our tips? (…doubt it) We want to hear them all, the weirder the better. If you’ve got one we’ve never heard, you bet you’ll be getting a shout out on our socials. 

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