The Big ‘O’ – and no, despite becoming the first black woman to receive the Cecil B. DeMille award and showering us with her female-empowering pearls of wisdom we’re not talking about Oprah (although she does deserve HUGE recognition for that banging speech – new president anyone?). We’re here to bring you a breakdown of the female orgasm. Now, we know that this word gets thrown around quite a lot and at this point it seems like Gods most natural gift to this earth. We all know the phrase, “you know when you’ve had one”(cue flashback to high school when you quickly learned the art of being able to look like you knew what people were talking about but really hadn’t the faintest – it still comes in handy). The Big O is something it seems that suddenly everyone is having and if you’re one of those lucky ladies, what more explanation do you need?
As it turns out, only 25% of women will always climax during sexual intercourse compared to their male counter-parts where the number is as high as 90% of men. We’re sure this is just Mother Nature’s way of saying us gals are better at handling a challenge. (Our one up? The clitoris alone contains around 8,000 nerve-endings, double the nerve endings in the glans of a penis. Maybe that’s why Mother Nature has us working harder for the gold). Sex studies have actually tried to figure out why women even need to climax. For men, climaxing releases the sperm which is necessary for reproduction and sure – getting horny and wanting to have sex means that females will be more inclined to have sex more frequently and will eventually become pregnant. This is hotly debated though, especially when we consider how difficult climaxing in women is to actually achieve and the fact that the climax itself doesn’t actually do anything for reproduction. We personally do not have an answer to this, but what we can say is baby or no baby it feels good, and we are not about to question it. What we are going to question isn’t why its there, but how the hell a gal can make it the best it can be. Work in progress right?
When it comes to the idea of sex, no on wants to get technical. It’s all in the moment – a whirlwind of emotions and sparks flying. But if there are times where you fire isn’t quite being lit, there are a few things to think about to help create the foundations for good sex. Being unable to climax with or without a sexual partner can become frustrating and make you feel let down by or question your own body. Which is why it’s super important to get to know your body in order to sky-rocket your orgasms. Unfortunately, there’s no ‘Find My Orgasm’ app or step-by-step method to guarantee that big bang (although we have to admit we did once try ask Siri…). Every woman’s body is different, and the ways to achieve them seem almost infinite. To top it off your ability to orgasm is massively impacted by simple things like your position during sex, your mood, your confidence, or even where you are in your cycle (is there anything that doesn’t want a say in my orgasm?). So if there’s an evening where you thought you were feeling it but you’re not – don’t get existential. We have all been there, and it could be something as little as your ASOS package being delivered to your ‘nearest’ post office (but you were in the whole time?!) that kills the mood. Fair do’s, babe, we’ve also all been there. Even more frustrating is their way too common disappearing act. Has anyone else here watched cartoon networks road runner? Yep – that feeling when you’re so close but suddenly you lose it and that last half hour has been a total windup. You almost caught the bugger.
Although everyone’s bodies are different, understanding the behind-the-scenes of the female orgasm can help to figure out what might be missing in your sex life. For starters? You absolutely need to be turned on first (at least to make the process natural, and less mechanical). The first stage of the female orgasm is arousal – without this your chances of your Big O are dramatically reduced. Whether that’s porn, your imagination, or physical stimulation, a gal has gotta be turned on first.
Side note, if, like us, you’ve been looking for the needle in the haystack that is ethical porn – we’ve got your back. French and feminist (can we be her?) independent erotic film-director Lucie Blush has answered your prayers. In her blog We Love Good Sex: Best Porn Sites for Women she gives us an extensive list of her top picks and we definitely recommend.
Not being aroused enough may be one of the main downfalls when getting down and dirty with your sexual partner and so if you’re someone who needs time to build up arousal either by touching, kissing, stroking or foreplay then this is key. This is the part where your body responds to the excitement. Blood will flow to the clitoris making it larger, your nipples will harden, your breasts will become fuller and vaginal lubrication starts. This is your body getting in the mood. Without these elements it is really difficult to reach climax, leading to unenjoyable sex and sexual frustration(excuse our mood for the rest of the day…). A lot of sexual encounters largely tend to ignore this part of the sexual experience of women with men having a much more automatic response to arousal and climax which often means our male friends skipping starters and heading straight for dessert. So tell your partner to slow down if this is something you think needs attention. Also the bigger the build up for him the better – so it’s a win/win, right?
After this, your body goes into a plateau phase, and this is more commonly known as the build up. The same bodily reactions are occurring, but this time are gearing you up towards the final bang. You may experience muscle spasms and a super sensitive clitoris, and during this phase it’s important to keep stimulating your clitoris. According to Women’s Health Magazine, 9 times out of 10 women are not getting enough clitoral stimulation. This is especially important during the plateau phase in order to keep that build up building. Without it, you could easily lose arousal and that pesky road-runner. The actual climax bit depends on what kind of gal you are, and what kind of cherry you like on top.
For the majority of women, this is consistent clitoral stimulation and for others its vaginal stimulation or a mix of the two. That’s why we’re BIG supporters of getting to know your body with your partner, or on your own. The more you experiment with different techniques, toys and forms of stimulation the more you’ll be able to guide your sexy-time to climax (*Check out MysteryVibe – taking pleasure for women to the next level). If you’re struggling, using a bullet vibrator during sex to continue clitoral stimulation could be a game changer (especially if you tend to take care of that region yourself – who knew it could be so tiring?!). If you’re keen on trying to find that elusive vaginal orgasm then try doing it doggy-style with your partner or using a slightly curved sex toy to get that angle that best reaches your G-Spot. Another helpful tip? Kegels (*Heard of Elvie?). Working your pelvic floor muscles strengthens and sculpts your inner lady-parts in such a way that makes your G-Spot easier to access. Not only that but the more you orgasm the more you can and the more you will experience different types of orgasms – if there was ever a reason to get practicing this is it. The spectrum of orgasms is broad, and we’re not just talking about the difference between a vaginal versus clitoral orgasm.
The way your body feels when that big bang happens can be totally different every-time and the more you do it – the bigger and better.
Image credit: @xsoui